It is January 2013, and many of us are still reeling from the hustle and bustle of the holidays. And year after year, it becomes increasingly difficult for some folk to avoid the mounds of debt accumulated during the “Season of Giving”. It is a known fact that people’s insatiable quest after material possessions and the need to keep up with the “Joneses” often transcend socio-economic status, gender affiliation, ethnic and cultural backgrounds. For the most part, many of today’s parents/guardians strive very hard to provide gifts for their children that convey their unconditional love for them, and they are quite reasonable with their provisions. But then there are some who are bent on providing their children with the best toys and gadgets that this world has to offer. Often driven by guilt feelings that may or may not be justified, some seek resolution by continuing down the path of using material objects as a sort of inappropriate surrogate.

I contend that the eternal gifts are “gifts of the heart”. In our work with young children, we come to realize that the gifts that last are the teachable moments that occur between a child and an adult—a time when they seem to hold each other emotionally captive. The far and unusual places that words in a storybook can take children, a child’s learning arc and sense of accomplishment that are the result of having mastered a task in conjunction with a more capable other, and the look in a child’s eyes that conveys how much he adores you are very priceless gifts. These are the consummate gifts, perpetual favors, if you will. The gifts that last are not the objects that come in boxes, beautifully accentuated with wrapping paper, bows and ribbons. While the tradition of exchanging gifts has its place during the holiday season, I believe that it is the intimate engagements with our young that become, what I have dubbed, “close encounters of the third kind.” They simply make indelible impressions on children’s hearts and minds.

Developmentalist Urie Bronfenbrenner, who has written extensively about the ecological worlds of children, talks about “putting people back into the lives of children.” In a rather dated article: Who Cares For America’s Children (1971), which still has profound significance for contemporary society and tremendous appeal to today’s social scientists and educators, alike, Urie Bronfenbrenner suggests that society imposes pressures and priorities on families that allow neither time nor place for meaningful activities and relations between children and adults. According to Bronfenbrenner, “children need people in order to become “human”, an idea that is both fundamental but yet compelling. He writes, “In order for a child to become uniquely human, somebody has to be crazy about him—somebody has got to be irrationally involved in his life”. According to Bronfenbrenner, “a child cannot pull himself up by his own bootstraps” and it is primarily through meaningful interactions with those whom he loves and admires that the child discovers both what he can do and who he can become, that he develops both his ability and his identity. All of us bear the responsibility to become a significant part of children’s social landscape. The child’s engagement in meaningful interactions with significant others makes all the difference in the world. For the young and very innocent, these meaningful interactions and other renderings of the heart are truly the gifts that last.

Question: What are your thoughts about parents and other significant adults serving as primary socializing agents for young children?

(Urie Bronfenbrenner: Who Cares for America’s Children. National Association for the Education of Young Children.Vol.26, No. 3, January 1971)